“You have no right to be sad” he said to himself fighting back the tears with every ounce of strength.

“we only cry when we feel we deserve to”- I feel like I read this somewhere, maybe I haven’t but it stuck with me until now and is currently most relevant.

I watched Mr.Robot the other day and there was this scene were he’s by himself crying his eyes out in the corner and he talks about how the loneliness gets to him sometimes and he just breaks out. I was with people at the time i was watching it but i remember thinking as I did “god, that looks really good right about now”.

I haven’t cried in a while, i can’t remember the last time I did. All that i do know is that i held it back. It’s been a while and when a certain thought creeps into my mind right now its almost unbearable to maintain my composure. But I did, I remained professional.

But now I know. Im ready. Im ready to be sad.

Its ripe though, I guess its not so much that I feel right now that i deserve to cry but more so that i just need to. I can feel it in my chest that I’m carrying a lot of sorrow and sadness around with me. Nothing blatant that i can directly attribute to as the sole source but more so the risidual unhappiness that has stayed with me from shaking off and overcoming previous sorrows. 

There’s this big build up and I feel like I’m either waiting to unload it on someone or will explode at most inconvenient moment.

So now here I am, thinking to myself

“ I can not wait to go home so I can cry my eyes out”

and I’m okay with it.